11/4- 12/4

"Stabs her kindly", that's exactly what he's doing. He stabs me when he says that he hates me when I'm being lovely, and he stabs me 100 times when he says that Sadly he can't stop hating me. He stabs me a million times when he says that He hates that he Can't Help It. HELLOOO! Son many stabs make a person die.
Why do I have to live this stage of life Now? like This? This stage has to be conquered. Everybody has it...but much earlier than me. That proves I'm a little inmature girl." I will never be able to face life if I don't go through this", I used to say to myself last year...maybe exactly a year ago. Now I don't know if I was ever meant to face life. I was never meant to live this long. I don't ever know if I will last much longer.
Have I lessons to teach? What lesson should I teach to this guy? To my little sister? My escape way isn't working at all. All this stuff make my optimism fade, day by day.
 I will never be who I want to be. Ana doesn't want me, is too awful for her to love an ugly thing like me. Is too awful for everyone to love me. I'm not hungry. All I think is numbers : 0, 9, 68, 64, 60, 50, 49, 48. Why does everything has to be this hard? Who am I trying to be perfect for? They will want me just for being skinny? I don't think so. Then...why am I doing this? What's the point in keeping this lie of life that I have?
I can't look in the mirror.
Pills.
They work.
I hate them.
I hate me.
What's hate anyway?